Welcome to my personal story.
I have been walking on this beautiful planet for 585 moons while being convinced I was a singleton boy and the oldest of 3 brothers in a family of 5.
Mother and father had 3 sons and were unaware of what had been happening during the pregnancy of their firstborn.
Fast forward 45 years later, many pieces of the puzzle begin to fall into a very recognizable image. It all starts to dawn on me when the unexplicable amount of grief, sadness and lonelyness keeps pushing the surface of my everyday life.
What happened ?
Over the past year I have been starting to realize I am the only survivor of a triplets and thus have lost my sister and brother in a very early stage in the womb.
This extremely intimate trauma hardcoded so early into the blueprint of my life has marked my path on earth quite significantly.
How does one discover such a long forgotten trauma ?
Uncovering such an unprovable past event was initiated to me after the sheer amount of inexplicable grief literally made me look for its cause.
With the help of family constellations, systemic work and professional guidance I was able to uncover this trauma and all its effects.
So, for me it was the ongoing amount of ever growing sadness and the faint idea of an always present but yet unknown lost connection that took over my emotions every time a certain subject was talked about.
The weird thing was the fact this happened every time when a conversation moved in the direction of that which I had been interested in throughout my entire life : the mystical, the spiritual, the unknown dimensions and that what exists behind the veil.
Earlier in life I had tried to mend this seemingly gaping wound by looking at the world as being undivided, meaning I attempted to alter my world view in such a way, while knowing that even when at birth our umbillical cord has been cut, yet we are living a life non-separated from ‘the rest’. As in a holistic way that mainly focuses on the fact that everything is inter-connected and whole.
Well you see, I feel like my whole life I have been on a quest. I was always searching and searching, and while I found many incredible things in this life, it was never ever enough.
Death and the beyond had been a main theme for as long as I can remember and it was very present throughout my entire life ever since I was a young boy. Wanting to go to the other side, not specifically through death but reaching out to the place where we physically cannot go and fantasizing and talking about it has been my main drive literally all the time. For example I have spend thousands of hours in bed as a kid waiting to fall asleep trying to stay conscious until that specific moment of the transition into the dream realm.
( Fun fact : While I never succeeded in going from a waking state consciously into the sleep/dream state, I did manage it a number of times the other way around, namely to manifest from being conscious in the dream reality and return gradually to the body in the waking state. But this is something I might dedicate another story to in the future. )
Anyway, being different in every sense has been an acknowledgement embedded deep within my heart throughout my life. Another example : scanning faces in a crowd while looking for a connection with someone that instantly clicks has been a practice since forever. The burden of guilt has been a natural attidude.
These are only a handful of some of the many symptoms we humans with the Vanishing Twin Syndrome share.
Is there also a positive side to the story ?
Funny you ask, but yes indeed, luckily there is.
This may not seem so straight forward, but I have always felt like I have been blessed with many things. Like for example, when I wanted to learn something new and use it as a tool, the learning process always came extremely easy and natural unlike what I noticed from people around me. I mean I just went for it, there was flow and it worked out, simple as that.
Another thing about being deeply connected to the spirit realm is the feeling of feeling ‘home’, and I mean this not in a physical sense in this society among people au contrary, but feeling of being home in the self, in the vastness of the universe, among the beings in the stars watching over us like carrying a deep certainty everything will always be alright, since life on this planet is just a dream.
On top of the — let’s call them ‘worldly’ — traits I inherited from both my parents and ancestors it has recently come to my attention there is something else in the mix here, more like a magic cloud of traits shared with me from my deceased triplet siblings.
I wish I could tell you more about this specifically but since I’m still in the discovery phase myself I’m sure this story is to be continued as it develops over time.
Memories of Distant Worlds : my most recent artwork series
At the moment of writing the first 5 scenes have been published and released as an NFT through my contract created at Manifold ( each as 3/3 editions obviously ).
While the story continues to unfold in my personal life, so will the content of this series be ongoing for an indefinite time and amount.
You can find these beauties at 0.1 ETH in this collection available on many platforms and marketplaces :
Thank you for your time and attention,